My bad: tmi tomorrow?

FRIENDS! I was out of town on business (like, fo rils) and thought I'd have internet access and did NOT. Do you want TMI Thursday as TMI Saturday? Or hold off til next week and just do today's post tomorrow? Lemme know!

Feeling like Gwyneth... in "Shallow Hal"

So.

I kind of hate shopping. Like, a lot. I never really understand the whole "ooo now I get to stand in awful lighting and feel fat" thing is appealing. We've discussed this particular peeve before, and so I suppose my point is, it's still true.

But with a caveat.

I love shopping for underwear. I LOVE shopping for underwear. And not just pretty underwear, I like buying EVERYTHING from crappy cotton panties for running to lacy thongs to make my ass look AMAZING post-running.

Which btw, it does.

Anyway, in this category also comes lingerie. And I love lingerie. While I am definitely a huge t-shirt kind of nightwear girl, that is almost entirely out of convenience. If my life was a different one than the (lazy) one I live, I would sleep in luxurious Cosa Bella nighties.

Mmm. Comfy, but delish.

And since there is a Boy now, this presented me with a whole new opportunity to go lingerie shopping! Having exhausted what is currently in my drawers, I set out yesterday to go find something new and fun.

And hit a wall of skinny.

We've discussed my um, heft, before. But it's not like I'm massively obese. My bra size is in the 30s, as is my waist. My hip measurement is in the 40s. I should be able to walk into a Victoria's Secret, or a freaking FILENE'S BASEMENT, and find something sexy to wear. Right?!

WRONG!!

I spent my lunch hour (plus) looking for ANY kind of under garments that weren't maternal (or even worse, intended for pregnancy), that didn't smush my boobs into cup sizes that I can only assume were intended for toddlers, or that didn't make my hourglass (well, ish) figure into a scary Dolly Parton impersonation, with rolls of breast pouring out the top and chunks of thigh sticking out the bottom.

Yum. Ew. Ugh.

I was depressed amis. I don't feel particularly fat lately. I've been riding my (brand spanking new) bike up to 10 miles a day, every day, and my thighs, thanks to the combination of biking, sex and Arlington hills are fucking amazing, for the first time in my life since high school soccer. And yet, everything was just too. Fucking. Small.

Sigh.

I would like to end this story on a happy note, so I'll go ahead and say - thank you Macy's, so much. At least you had larges in your store. Sure, the larges were intended for girls who are large around the middle and not so much around the top, but I'll take it. Half the point in lingerie is getting someone to take it off, and if looking like the cover of a romance novel makes that happen sooner, so be it.

But honestly. Big girls can have sex too, I swear. It might be jigglier than small girls. But it happens. Why can't we look pretty while doing it?

I'm not watching the Michael Jackson memorial

But I haven't posted yet. I will super soon. But I wanted it to be clear that there was absofuckinglutely no connection between the Michael Jackson let's-ignore-that-he-molested-little-children-and-was-a-scary-scary-man-with-no-accountability Love Fest.

Blech.

I might be the only person born in 1983 (duh, the year o' Thriller) who feels this way but I am So. Over. This. He's dead. Who cares. Not me.

Still, new post not quite yet. but soon.

My Big Fat Greek Break-up?

So.

I know I said this wouldn’t be about weddings, but I lied! But these are FAKE weddings, not real ones, and it was either this or me talking about how my grandfather emailed me in broken Italian last week asking when the Boy and I were getting married.

I shit you not.

Instead I thought we’d deal with the slightly more humorous topic of wedding movies! I saw the Proposal yesterday with Anna, and it was AMAZING. No seriously, I too thought it was going to be utter shit (which hurt me because I love Sandra and Ryan. Also, Coach) but it was SO GOOD.

Of course I cried, why the hell are you asking?

And then today I was talking with Chelsea’s bff about her bach party which is coming up in a few weeks, and she mentioned she was thinking of bringing wedding-themed movies to the interim, dinner/games portion of the evening. And she (let’s call her Marie) mentioned that Chels had vetoed all movies about weddings breaking up. So she was like “which leaves out runaway bride, made of honor, bride wars” and then I was like “well I own My Best Friend’s Wedding, which is kind of about a wedding being broken up but not really, and While You Were Sleeping which is… well, same. Oh and the Wedding Singer! Oh, no. Hm” and it occurred to me – c’est impossible to think of a wedding movie that doesn’t risk breaking up!

Well not entirely.

So My Big Fat Greek Wedding doesn’t really ever break up, and in a similar (whatever, Greece) vein neither does Mamma Mia!. But Sweet Home Alabama? 27 Dresses? Sleepless in Seattle? The Wedding Planner? The Philadelphia Story?? In & Out, the Princess Bride, Four Weddings and a Funeral?!?!

Sigh.

We settled on Fools Rush In, 16 Candles, While You Were Sleeping, License to Wed and MBFGW of course. But it got me thinking. WTF is it about weddings that make us want to watch them get broken up? Is it merely because without that, there wouldn’t be dramz to be reconciled? Or is it something deeper and darker, like women who enjoy these movies (cough cough, moi) take schadenfreudic pleasure out of watching happy couples get SHATTERED into little teensy BITS of miserably single GLASS.

Hm. Repressed issues, much?

I don’t know ladies and gents – what do you think? And am I completely wrong? Have I missed an entire genre of happily ever after romcoms that end with white weddings? Or even just snarky elopements? Help me out.

And if any of you know my Nonno, tell him to back the eff off. I heart the Boy, but there is no white wedding in MY future. Nor snarky elopement, not even when drunk.

Update: the rudest bridesmaid

So.

First of all, thank you guys SO much for the weigh-ins. Let me just say I would never, EVER, just show up to the wedding with the Boy. I mean, ever. I'm a bitch, but not that kind of bitch - I totally get the whole it would ruin incredibly well-laid plans (etc) thing. The rudest thing I would do is write on the RSVP card "Vittoria and the Boy" and then check "will be attending". Then follow up with a call.

And honestly, even that's not gonna happen this time.

So after reading all your advice, plus the advice of my IRL friends (other than those of you who commented, gracias ladies! Esp Eva, because you know, I WENT to that wedding), and then going to the internets for some SUPER anonymous opinions from bridezillas, I've made a decision. Because I AM a bridesmaid, and because I'd like our relationship to not go back to resentment (and fear that passive aggression would do so, because these websites/bridezillas have scared the shit out of me), I'm going to go with all y'alls suggestions to call, and most specifically (and not shockingly) Lilu's and Sarah's "mention him, mention you're madly in love with him, and let it go from there".

Ish.

First, though, I'm going to make sure the Boy can come. He's checking his sched, and if he can't, then I'll just rock out with the other dateless b-maid and PJ (who I still love, just don't want to bang) and enjoy a weekend in Chitown. If he CAN, I'm going to call Amaryllis next weekend on the pretense of checking on the dress situ, and then talk about the Boy.

A lot.

I hope that she'll be all "ZOMG, you HAVE to bring him" OR "oh it's too bad he can't come cause we don't have the space" because either way, that's that. If she's a little ambivalent, but I sense an opening, I'll just go for it and ask - as Ali and Arielle (I think that's it) said, the worst that can happen is that I piss her off, and given our history, that's really not THAT bad. And hopefully she'll just be really chill about the whole thing. Actually, hopefully she's reading this, and will call me as soon as it's published. Hi Amaryllis!

Oh wait no.

How do we feel about that? I appreciate that maybe I'm being kind of massively selfish. It's not like the Boy's presence will improve the wedding for the bride and the groom (altho that's not entirely true. He does a particularly hilarious [Arab country] dance that would be wedding video GOLD), and it's really just because I like him a lot and want him there, and want him to come to Chicago, WITH me, this PARTICULAR weekend.

Yanno?

But after talking to Anna about the situ today, I think I'm alright with feeling this way because (as Legally Fabulous said) the other bridesmaids are bringing their non-fiance boyfriends. And while I don't want to ditch the other dateless bridesmaid, she also happens to be the sister of the bride (and maid of honor) and therefore knows pretty much everyone else at the wedding.

I will know the bride, groom, and PJ.

Ok and a few other people. I'm just rationalizing my rudeness. But I don't care! What this comes down to is, I think if Amaryllis knew about the Boy, he'd have been invited. And hopefully in a week, I'll be proven correct.

Back tomorrow (Monday) with a non-wedding post! Likely post-lunch. GET EXCITED! And THANK YOU ALL!! So so SO so much!!!